Our Intertwined Identity in Our Careers
When someone asks you about your self, one of the first things you explain is where you work or what you do for a living. The explanation might be vague initially, but if someone inquires, we are usually happy to explore deeper into our profession, explaining what it is that we do without much of a though behind the intention of why we are doing whatever it is we do. I realize I fall into this typical status quo of responding with a high level explanation of the role I perform and how I wouldn’t truly consider myself “technical”, though realize I have acquired much on the job knowledge. Despite also thoroughly enjoying my profession, I tend to explain the what, rather than the why, when in reality that is what others ought to care about as we ourselves should be in tuned to as well. Maybe the response and reflection for most isn’t what we actually want it to be, and taking the mindful time to reflect and consider the intentions behind our actions is often scary. Maybe sometimes we don’t want to face our truths.
In taking time to essentially put a large part of my typical identity on a pause, I am further reflecting on the motivators in my life. This journey of continued self discovery and heightened self awareness when living our often over saturated and busy lives is often nearly impossible and the root of a lurking anxiety. This sense of anxiousness I usually find coming to fruition when I feel pressure with time and commitments, striving to do all and everything, which is of course impossible. Taking care of others, versus the time that we often need for ourselves, is culturally more acceptable than indicating we need time alone, to allow thoughts to freely flow in and out, to be in tuned with our minds, body, and soul. Though I traditionally view my workouts as a chance to escape, reflect, and re-center myself, I have been listening to some Podcasts that have reminded me that does not truly allow our body to ever calm down enough, and return to cortisol levels that are less stress inducing. As a work in progress, my desire is to give myself at least 5 minutes in the morning, and at least 5 minutes in the evening before bed to allow my mind to frantically scatter through thoughts, and continue to bring it back to focus on my breathing. This may seem trivial, but training your mind to work in this manner is like a muscle we are not conditioned to use. Through quieting ourselves to tune in, to ourselves, and accept our individual motivators, intentions, and desires, we can start to really execute in our most natural and innate self.
I have always struggled to sit still, take time to relax, or slow down, filling my calendar with work, training for various races and events, learning through free classes or now in grad school, ensuring I spread across my social groups equally, and of course spend time with my family I am blessed that is local. The time I have usually allotted myself for reflection and thinking ends up being taken up by one more thing that must be completed on the lists that seem endless of home chores, outside activities, or a scheduled event of sorts. Is the avoidance of time in my own thoughts what scares me? I decided to start tackling this initially more so by taking trips by myself, to various destinations that I wanted to explore. I may meet up with someone in the destination I know, or not, but just being more comfortable truly by myself. As with many relationships, there are varying flows where I am more connected versus not, and daily life often gets in the way. However, more so now than ever, I must continue to make myself, truly alone, myself, a priority. Those meek 5 minutes in the morning and evening can provide more than you realize. I am still striving to do this while away now, and absolutely will continue to struggle. I know I am not perfect, but none of us are. If we weren’t a work in progress, then what would we be doing here?
In reality, that is quite honestly the biggest question of them all. Am I best executing the life that I am meant to be here for? Where do I need to adjust my priorities and intentions? How do I continue to support being a better version of myself and continue to give myself to others so freely loving and giving a piece of myself to others? Right now, when someone asks me about myself, I still respond with a piece of what my profession is, but rather explain the role, I disclose my love of understanding people and enhancing communication tactics due to my love of dissecting individual needs and arranging accordingly to execute on what we are trying to accomplish. The root of it all is understanding the motivation of others. The more we can understand our own motivations and intentions, the more easily we can connect and act with compassionate understanding of why people may act in the way they do, including ourselves.
As I continue to look around in marvel, I am confident I am on a greater path that expands past just my own needs, giving to others along the way, very specifically, and just through candid dialog and interactions. The path is never direct or straight, or frankly as we try to predict. But that’s the beauty in our journeys as well. Keep learning. Keep growing. Take a minute today just to sit, in silence, and see what happens in your mind. It’s quite challenging for our busy brains. Good luck.
-Agur oraingoz!